:-) Tuesday was one of the most intense days of my life...
but one of the best....
It's was Chrisette's Album release party, and she had asked me to help out with it... It turned out I basically ran the entire party.
I checked everyone at the door, told the dj and band what to do, made sure the media was ok and taken care of, escorted her family to their room, settled any discrepencies, and made sure that everything went as smoothly as possible, as well as making sure chrisette had everything she needed.
It was sooo intense my head was spinning by the end of the night, but it was the biggest adreneline rush, nobody could do anything with out my approval, and everyone treated me like i worked for def jam or something trying to stay on my good side.
We had an amazing turnout, about 350 people were crammed into the club, it was soo packed I had to squish my self through the sea of people like a million times, going back and forth to check on things, it was insaine. But the Dj was great, and everyone definitely had an awesome time.
I wouldn't have been able to do it all with out Tim, he really did a great job helping me out, and he made some awesome connections for both of us which is always a plus!
Rhianna was there, and apparently Tim thinks she was checking him out lol haha ... we both found it amusing that it was pouring outside and she didnt have an umbrella lol.
I hope I can do this for the rest of my life, because I can't imagine my life any other way.
GO BUY "I AM" BY CHRISETTE MICHELE IN STORES NOWWWW!!!!!!
ps. my mom basically told me that when me and tim are ready to get married, she'd love to fix up the basement for us to live in, and she can't wait for our wedding. Can you say miracle?
Current Mood: satisfied Current Music:wolf like me, tv on the radio
i am home. cruising is really overrated... but i still had fun...
we had the worst ocean cruise experience the first day, that anyone on the ship had ever experienced because we were sailing right through tropical storm Barry ... it was cold, raining, and the boat was rocking sooo hard that i threw up... and i had to get a shot in my ass which sucked ... not one shot... BUT 2 SHOTS IN THE ASS! lol
the rest of the trip was much better and i had a lot of fun... it was just hard cause i really missed tim.. and i wish he could have came with us.
anyways im glad to be home now... and i start my hooker job on monday at kohls lol basically doing whatever i have to to pay my bills haha meanwhile i'll still be workin hard core with Chrisette, my internship, and artist promotion stuff on the side.
wow. what are we to do? when the people who used to take the knives out of our backs, are the ones putting them there.
I have a new found awareness for what it means to be alone but not lonely. and although it's kind of painful we're both finding our selves rather content.
it's all going to be ok.
Current Mood: grateful Current Music:some commercial on tv
we're living the high life now, we're on the right track now, no dollar bills to my name but we're ahead of the game
cause while you were sitting around boasting and it seemed like we were coasting We were keeping secrets you'll never know and when success is revealed you gonna feel a low blow
but don't for one second get the idea that you're the reason why we're here because you could only see you're own pride you're minimal success
you couldn't see that your soul died as we seemed to digress if for one second you were willing to give than perhaps your soul could still live
you could share in our joy and our fame if you had just been willing to deal with our sorrow and pain
So learn this lesson, you have to pay the price For your actions, it's smartest to be nice If you're cruel you'll suffer demise Because you never know who was an angel in disguise.
(lmao my rhyms are mad elementary, and i dont even care hahahah)
I think i got my point across. If only people knew, the bridges they were burning.
People say that America is the land of freedom, and often individuals believe that freedom is the right to do whatever they please. When infact freedom is the right to make responsible individual decisions. Freedom is not the right to run around chaotically and cause society to suffer from your foolish plights.
Life to me is a lot like freedom, life is given to you to make responsible decisions with while you are here. When misunderstood, life can become a terrible mess. Life is timed, and as much free will as we have been given, we can not control when Life will end. We can attempt to prevent it from ending, but it is only a matter of time before God steps in and will have his way, whether we like it or not.
In my life I have at times understood my freedom, and other times I have taken it for granted. Each mishap was a circumstance I learned from, it changed who I was and helped me become the individual I am today. I watch as my acquaintance's all scurry around trying to please society. Some work rediculous "jobs" (not careers) which have no future in sight, except for a few worthless promotions. Years may pass, and they'll convince them selves that this is what they wanted. Never realizing that they allowed society to make them a 35 year old man who makes 50k a year, just because there is no degree in his and.
Then there are others who's parents are forcing them to go to school, and they go year after year, changing their majors, wandering aimlessly in a university of "higher" education. For some of those, I feel sorry, because they've been stripped of the ability to dream. He'll get out of school with a degree in God knows what, because his parents believed that he'd make money in that area. Only to find out that, 4 million others majored in the same area, and that the job opportunity is low. Now he's got to get 3 jobs anywhere he can, just to start paying his college loans back. He'll be 35 and realize he has no idea who he is, or how he got to where he is.
Now there is a third type, a type that knows who they are, they know what they want out of life. Society doesn't believe in them, "go to college", "get a job", "aren't you worried about your future". But He doesn't stir, his feet are firmly planted in his destiny. Some may mock, some may believe that he's aimless, some may assume he is just a fool. He lays in bed at night, thinking endlessly about his next move, how to move further into the talents and abilities God has given him. We believe that if we haven't seen the fruit of the action, that there has been no action. This is not the case, and a person who has a dream, is far better off than an individual who is just grabbing for whatever they can get.
In each situation we have the option and the ability to make our lives, the lives we've always dreamed of. Sometimes it's just a matter of believing hard enough, learning when to put your foot down, and believing that God will take care of you even when you can not figure out what you're going to do. You have to be willing to accept that you may fall several times before you succeed, but each time you "fall", you're not FAILING, you're only learning.
Please I beg each of you, live your lives... Cherish every relationship in your life... And understand that to recieve from God... You MUST give to his people WITHOUT REMORSE ( and that could be anyone).
- Charlie
ps.
tomorrow is my last day here at spectron. i do not have another job lined up. and i am completely fine with it.
Current Mood: contemplative Current Music:coldplay- spies
am I a bad person? this lady at my job is really obnoxious... like 2 weeks ago she left work because she found out she has cancer which of course is sad...
so she comes in today and i'm like "how are you?"
and she's like "im here to see jennifer" (ignores my question)..
then this other guy comes over and is like "connie how are you" ... so i'm still standing their and they're talking... so i pause and then i politely interrupt and say "would you like me to get jennifer for you"...
and she rudely (treating me like a child) says "no sweetie i'm going to talk to ken for now and then i'll go see jennifer"...
as if i'm like 5 years old and can't comprehend anything...
i'm sorry I don't care if you have cancer... that doesnt give you the right to be a pompus ass bitch. Ugh I can't stand people.
(ps she's always been rude and obnoxious like that so I don't think I'm wrong in calling a cancer patient a bitch.)
1 I said to myself, “Come on, let’s try pleasure. Let’s look for the ‘good things’ in life.” But I found that this, too, was meaningless. 2 So I said, “Laughter is silly. What good does it do to seek pleasure?” 3 After much thought, I decided to cheer myself with wine. And while still seeking wisdom, I clutched at foolishness. In this way, I tried to experience the only happiness most people find during their brief life in this world.
4 I also tried to find meaning by building huge homes for myself and by planting beautiful vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks, filling them with all kinds of fruit trees. 6 I built reservoirs to collect the water to irrigate my many flourishing groves. 7 I bought slaves, both men and women, and others were born into my household. I also owned large herds and flocks, more than any of the kings who had lived in Jerusalem before me. 8 I collected great sums of silver and gold, the treasure of many kings and provinces. I hired wonderful singers, both men and women, and had many beautiful concubines. I had everything a man could desire!
9 So I became greater than all who had lived in Jerusalem before me, and my wisdom never failed me. 10 Anything I wanted, I would take. I denied myself no pleasure. I even found great pleasure in hard work, a reward for all my labors. 11 But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere.
12 So I decided to compare wisdom with foolishness and madness (for who can do this better than I, the king?[a]). 13 I thought, “Wisdom is better than foolishness, just as light is better than darkness. 14 For the wise can see where they are going, but fools walk in the dark.” Yet I saw that the wise and the foolish share the same fate. 15 Both will die. So I said to myself, “Since I will end up the same as the fool, what’s the value of all my wisdom? This is all so meaningless!” 16 For the wise and the foolish both die. The wise will not be remembered any longer than the fool. In the days to come, both will be forgotten.
17 So I came to hate life because everything done here under the sun is so troubling. Everything is meaningless—like chasing the wind.
18 I came to hate all my hard work here on earth, for I must leave to others everything I have earned. 19 And who can tell whether my successors will be wise or foolish? Yet they will control everything I have gained by my skill and hard work under the sun. How meaningless! 20 So I gave up in despair, questioning the value of all my hard work in this world.
21 Some people work wisely with knowledge and skill, then must leave the fruit of their efforts to someone who hasn’t worked for it. This, too, is meaningless, a great tragedy. 22 So what do people get in this life for all their hard work and anxiety? 23 Their days of labor are filled with pain and grief; even at night their minds cannot rest. It is all meaningless.
24 So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God. 25 For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him?[b] 26 God gives wisdom, knowledge, and joy to those who please him. But if a sinner becomes wealthy, God takes the wealth away and gives it to those who please him. This, too, is meaningless—like chasing the wind.
I dont know what to do... I'm so confused... I dont know what I am supposed to do from here. What do you do when your heart says go this way... and your mind says go that way... and your just stuck in the middle?
Things need to change... but I dont know if it will be a better change or a worse change if I give up or go another way. I just wish there was a slightly visible path for my life... but theres not ... so i just continue to wander aimlessly down this road...
i keep thinking if i die tomorrow i'm going to be really disappointed with how i lived my last day... but I dont know what else to do... so i just continue this endless monotnous cycle.
i had a dream last night that i was in a house that kept getting hit by tornadoes... in the dream the tornadoes seemed really big and powerful but now when i think back to the dream i realized they were actually really small and silly looking... and they didnt even do any damage... but in my dream i was terrified of them for some reason... maybe its a sign of the stuff im going through... how when im in the middle of something it feels really big.. but when compared to life its actually pretty small and will pass... i dono i guess...
I don't know what to do...
Suggestions?
Current Mood: aggravated Current Music:Monica- Right Here Waiting
- I have a head ache due to the fact that this morning I took Tylenol Extra Strength which to the average person is just pain medication, but for me it made me severely drowsy... to the point that I started falling asleep at my desk at work. I have just taken advil now to chase away the aforementioned headache.
- The reason i took Tylenol Extra Strength was because I have a painful throat infection... yup the same exact infection I had about a month ago. Fantastic right!
- I love my boyfriend, he's the strongest person I know, he's criticized, spit on and kicked when he's down... and yet he's still got the initiative to keep going... he pushes him self because he knows theres something out there for him. Most people would have left him by now because of how hard things are... but I love him so much and I know that he's going to get through this. Sometimes you just have to step back and let God take over the circumstance.
- I love my BFF, yea her life is hard... she's up to her ears in debt, she's got a kid, and she barely has a job... and yet she's so positive and tries her hardest to do the right thing... even if she's not sure what the right thing is. No matter how bad crap is in her life... she's always got time to listen to me and help me out... and visa versa. I dono wut I'd do with out her... the past month we've both been really busy and things have been crazy and we havent seen eachother as much as we'd like.. but it has really made me appreciate the friendship we have... and how rare it is to have a friend like that.
ok enough of the emoness... ALMOST TIME TO GO HOME! YAY!
i need to vent... deal with it. Luke 6:45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
No man is perfect... no man knows everything or does the right thing all the time... we've each been given a different life.. some unfortunatly are harder than others...
if someone u know is going through something... u can do one of 2 things abandon them and speak death into their already heartbreaking situation... or be there for them and speak life into the situation. The next time u want to call your self a "friend"... make sure u understand what your title of friend means.
I love you Tim, we're gonna make it.
Current Mood: aggravated Current Music:nothing, im cold
*$?!xo!?$* I have been practicing the Arts since I was 7 years old.
I've been working since I was 16 and have worked at 5 different retail stores, 1 restaurant, 1 political campaign and 2 offices.
I went to school for Display and Exhibit Design, I have an Associates.
I was the assistant to a Visual Designer
I was a creative designer for a small record company, where I was promised that I would be going on an international tour (never happened).
I formed relationships with 2 people to start our own record company
I formed my own idea for a company I love and want to start someday
I am starting a business for my father
and
I am a receptionist.(WTF)
Out of all of that, why can I not figure out what I want to do with my life. Is it possible that there is nothing out there for me? I just feel like I don't belong anywhere... I can list all the things I'm good at... and that still gets me no where. I can list all the things I'm bad at ... and that gets me no where. So where do I belong?
My parents talk about how I'll have this some day and that some day ... my dad says "sarah you should buy an Acura soon, they're not that expensive" ... "sarah when you buy your first house it should be here, or it will be this much, or you could do this and that" ... "sarah when you have kids you should be able to do this for them and that for them"...
BUT IF I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING WITH MY SELF THAN HOW WILL I EVER GET TO THAT PLACE!!!!!!!?????? I'm sick of everyone being like "oh just wait, don't worry, it's all in God's timing blah blah blah"... if its all in God's timing than I think his watch broke... (no offense to the almighty) I just hate all the cliche crap that people throw at you, because they dont know the answers just as much as you don't. Nothing in life is for certain, so for all I know life could just possibly stay like this forever.. because YOU NEVER KNOW.
I could go and get a masters degree in some fancy educational system and when I get outta school I could get hit by a taxi that paralizes me from the neck down... and then no one wants to hire me for the thing I went to school for... WE NEVER KNOW what to expect...
All I know is I'm just sick of the way things have been for as long as I can remember... I just need something to change... GOD I NEED SOMETHING TO CHANGE!
*deep down I know that I'm meant for something great... I just feel so lost*
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